Tag Archives: Fanboy Opinion

An Open Letter to David Benioff and D.B. Weiss From a Humble Fanboy:

Dear Mr. Benioff and Mr. Weiss,

I know I’m writing to you in the ‘off season’ of Game of Thrones attention, but it has taken a while for me to truly sort out my feelings and thoughts on Season 5. Controversy follows your show. That’s nothing new, but this season seems like it caught a bit more negative attention in the media than in years previous.

To be sure, there are many things about Season 5 that I absolutely adored (which I’ll cover below), but… (and you had to know there’d be a ‘but’) this was countered by many puzzling creative decisions that have left me scratching my head.

So, I thought I would break it down here, plotline by plotline. Of course, the odds of you seeing this, and reading it, are very slim. But, you did see Larry Williams’ Season 1 fan rant over Ned’s beheading, and these open letters are quite cathartic for me, so full steam ahead, I say. (***OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING***):

The Night’s Watch:

Jon Snow

That look…

Let’s start off on a high note. I loved everything about this story arc. Guys, this is you at your best. The acting, the pacing, the sudden yet inevitable betrayal, all of it is some of the best your show has ever put forward. Oh, and HARD HOME! You nailed the action and the emotion of this better than 95% of major motion pictures. And the look of utter defeat and hopeless on Jon’s face as he rowed away… wow, just wow.  Regardless of my other issues with Season 5, the Night’s Watch was exactly as it should be, and then some.

King’s Landing:

Cersei Lannister

My how the mighty have fallen.

Also super solid stuff. Cersei hoists her own petard and FINALLY, after five seasons of shenanigans, the Lioness has her actions come back to haunt her. You reap what you sow (unless you’re a Greyjoy, of course). The addition of Jonathan Pryce was inspired, and gave the situation exactly the kind of gravitas it deserved. The Walk of Shame was incredible, and Lena Headey really sold it. I hope she has her acceptance speech in order for the many awards she’s likely to win for that.

Sam and Gilly:

AemonDictatesALetterToSam

The Westrosi Scooby Gang.

Some folks took offense to these two unlikely lovebirds, but I thought they were sweet onscreen together.  I do think they took up a bit more screen time than they should have, but I understand you have only 10 hours per season.  It’s a little odd that Sam would so openly admit to having sex with Gilly in front of the Lord Commander, but I guess Jon figured there are bigger problems to worry about. Oh, and Maester Aemon’s passing was touching. His final words created a lump in my throat the size of a small grapefruit.  True story.

Brienne and Pod:

Game_of_Throne_Season_5_08

I could watch a whole show about these two. Seriously.

These two are way ‘off book’ in their travels, but I think you handled it pretty well. I like these characters, and they pair well.  It felt like we sort of lost them in the middle episodes, and Brienne ultimately failed at her sworn duty by missing that candle in the window, but she had her reckoning with Stannis (or so I’m led to believe).  I hope that she’ll go on to bigger and better things now. Oh and kudos on her explanation of why Renly meant so much to her. Nailed it.

Jaime, Dorne, and the Sand Snakes:

GOT-season-5-21

Shouldn’t you be in the Riverlands?

Okay, so I’ve been pretty congratulatory up until now. What happened here, guys? Seriously, why include Doran, the Sand Snakes, et al. if the amount of screen time they get is so small? The reasoning behind every plot point was a ‘huh’ moment, the fight scene with the Sand Snakes looked like it was out of the Power Rangers, and the resolution fell flat. Since Myrcella goes down about three-hundred yards from the dock, can we assume that Season 6 will open with Trystan Martell’s head being flung into the ocean? How would Jaime not just turn the ship around right then? I realize you guys have to make changes from the book, but come on. Extra points for including Bronn, though.

Tyrion and Varys (And Jorah):

game-of-thrones-season-5-episode-6-3

So…c*ck merchants are actually a thing in Essos?

Tyrion and Varys are two of my favorite characters in the whole series, so seeing them travel together was a delight. I’m a little sad that we’re not getting an Old Griff/Young Griff storyline, but I get it. The books are the books. The show is the show. And when the Tyrion hand-off happens, I like the dynamic you show between The Bear and the Lion. Both have been through hell. Both are giant disappointments to their respective fathers. The look on Jorah’s face when he finds out that his father was killed by the Night’s Watch is powerful stuff. Iain Glen and Peter Dinklage, together, in a scene. Thank you, D&D.

Arya, Er— I mean “No One”:

No one.

Meryn Trant…LIKE A BOSS.

Maisie Williams is crafted of the finest awesome, and so is Arya. That said, it did feel like her admission into the House of Black and White didn’t require much except standing up to a few random Bravos (who speak the common language, funnily enough). And once she’s in with the Faceless Men, it feels like she spends a good part of the season sweeping floors and cleaning up dead bodies. The real hammer doesn’t fall until the very end, and it was admittedly a doozy, but it didn’t seem like there was much for to do this time around. A pity.

Sansa and the Boltons:

Sansa

Remember this guys? Do you?

Let’s address the elephant in the room, shall we?  This, like some elements of Season 5, left me utterly baffled, and in this case a bit sick to my stomach. The Boltons are horrible, yeah, we know. Little Finger pawns Sansa off to them ‘cause he’s a Machiavellian manipulator, fine. But you started to invest in Sansa as a character, making her more of a player and less of a piece on the cyvasse board.  If you aren’t going to use the books as your foundation (and please don’t try to turn the issue on its head with the lame ‘isn’t it odd who gets our sympathy and who doesn’t?’ argument), how did you come up with this train wreck? Why did you build Sansa up only to break her down again? I thought we were done with her being a helpless victim at the hands of a sexually abusive, sadistic psycho, who can only be saved by a man? No? Another round you say? Oh, D&D…this is me walking behind you with a bell. SHAME! *clang* SHAME! *clang*

Stannis and Friends:

s05e09_1_stannis_still_mannis-1024x576

Nope.

I really hope you have a trick up your sleeve for the would-be Azor Ahai. Otherwise, this entire part of the story ends with a whimper, not a bang. His defeat left me with a ‘that’s it?’ moment, and the burning of Shireen felt put in for shock value than anything else. It accomplished nothing other than to show us that Stannis is a horrible person who, despite his pretensions, will not hesitate to murder his way to the throne. I knew that already, thanks. (I’ve read the books.) Yes, I know the burning has a grounding in the books (to come), but you’ve certainly left the books behind when it has suited you, why not here? AND I would have been surprised by the act if it had not been telegraphed from a hundred miles away. I knew we were on the countdown, and so did Davos. He rescued Gendry, a boy he barely even knew. Why wouldn’t he have kidnapped Shireen or fought harder to keep her alive? Or even confronted Stannis in his typical cool fashion? Spares, the lot of them.

Dany and the Meereenese Gang:

Dany.

How DOES she get better looking each season? ❤

Again, some folks really didn’t like this part, but I did. It’s Dany becoming a leader, and good is not the same as nice. If anything, I think she was perhaps too lenient on the Old Masters, but maybe that’s just me. While, Dany is perhaps the worst at ride-sharing with her friends in danger, I think things went pretty well here. We finally had Tyrion meet Dany face-to-face! Do you know how long I’ve waited for that? And it was great. My biggest complaint here is that the Unsullied did not account themselves very well. They are supposed be Eunuch Spartans for crying out loud! I understand a few of them getting surprised, but once more than three are able to rally and join shields, regular guys with silk robes and daggers (against spears and shields) should be D-E-A-D. And while Barristan the Bold did okay, that was a pretty poor send-off for the acknowledged greatest living knight. That said, thank you for not giving Dany the flux at the end there. I take that as a personal kindness, and I’m sure Emilia Clarke does as well.

So, there you have it – just one fanboy’s take on it all. Even though I think there were some gigantic misfires in Season 5, I want you to know that I’m not mad at you. You have given me some of the best programming I’ve ever seen on the small screen, and I think you are doing the material justice overall.

And now, you guys will likely spoil some secrets before the remaining books come out. The race is already on between The Winds of Winter and Season 6, and I’m pretty sure you guys will get there first. But even if GRRM gets TWoW out first, you’ll definitely beat him to the last book. That puts the two of you in a unique position that, as fans of the book, I’m sure you can appreciate. Every GoT fan that exists wishes they were in your place, to know the secrets of how it all ends.

Look, I’m not here to tell you how to do your job. I can’t know the hours and hours the two of you have put into this project, of just how personal a thing it is for you. This is your baby, and you’ve owned it, a project that even the author himself didn’t think was possible.

Just do me a favor as you go through the final seasons of this show: respect your audience. This show exists because of the fans, not despite them.  Season 5 was a mixed bag, and the parts that didn’t work felt either half-hearted or gratuitous. Are those the words you really want associated with what is surely your magnum opus?

You guys have proven, time and again, that you know how to deliver an epic experience to us, and keep us glued to our TVs on Sunday nights. Do that. Show us the world GRRM imagined, in all its wonder, in all its flawed and savage beauty. Don’t insult our intelligence, or go for the obvious gimmick, or think that rape equals female character development.

You’re better than that.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely (and with much love),

— Matt Carson

P.S. – The North Remembers.


Fanboy Movie Review #3 – Jurassic World

[Note: I do not consider myself a movie critic. What follows is just one fanboy’s opinion based off of a single viewing of the film. Oh, and there are SPOILERS ahead, so take heed.]

Jurassic World earned more than $500 million dollars worldwide its first weekend, the largest opening in cinema history. I sat down – Slurpee in hand – to watch this summer juggernaut, and here are my thoughts on it. Remember, SPOILERS ahead if you haven’t seen it yet.

RAAAWR!

Well, really just one island…but I take their meaning.

First Impressions: This movie seems like a retread of the first Jurassic Park: People think they can contain the primal fury of dinosaurs until a series of unfortunate events shows humans how little we can control anything. This time around, the park is open, which is new. It also ups the stakes because there are more people in the line of fire. But, the others have been good popcorn flicks, perfect summer blockbuster fare, so why not?

On the hunt

OOOHHHH YEEEEAAAAH! *said in a Kool-Aid Man voice*

What I Liked:

  • CHRIS PRATT! He has the perfect combination of physicality, comic timing, and acting ability to be a heroic action leading man. Can we put him in every major action movie from now on? K’thanks.
  • All the nods back to the original Jurassic Park, from the vintage T-shirt to finding the old museum and the banner.  Even the score hearkens back to the original, all great. Way to play on my sentimentality and sense of nostalgia.
  • The raptor squad. I know some people thought the idea of raptors actively helping the characters for once was uncool, but I liked it. The most iconic moment of the movie, where I was most into it, was the shot of Owen racing through the woods on his motorcycle, surrounded by his raptors. Awesome.
  • The “Let Them Fight” moment when the T-Rex squares off against the Indominus Rex.
  • Unlike other movies in this series, there was surprisingly little of the ‘shouting someone’s name in the woods and attracting the dinosaurs’ trope.
  • The Mosasaur in general. Every scene it was in, even if it happened to be eating a pterosaur, who was itself in the process of eating a Keira Knightley clone.
  • The park itself. Everything from the signage, the information displays, and the gift shop looked like a fully realized amusement park.
*CHOMP...crunch...crunch...crunch*

Pretty much how I felt every time they were on screen.

What I Didn’t Like:

  • Trying to outrun a dinosaur, especially in heels.
  • The InGen Nazis. They seem to show up in every movie, and always get PWN’D by the dinos. Haven’t they learned anything by now?
  • The KIDS. Movies like this are dependent on people acting contrary to how they would normally, or behaving stupidly. Nowhere is this more apparent than the two brothers. They are the most uninteresting part of the movie, and the most frustrating. No, just no.
  • The raptors turning on Owen, somehow undoing years of training and imprinting, to see the Indominus as the Alpha. It was a good plot twist, I suppose, but then was undone when the raptors switch sides again.
  • A movie that seems to condemn corporate sponsorship has plenty of product placement in it.
  • Claire’s reversal of seeing the dinosaurs as ‘assets’ to living, breathing animals. That didn’t take long, did it?
  • Wouldn’t you check the tracking device BEFORE opening up the containment area? Even if she doesn’t show up on infrared scanners, shouldn’t you take every precaution before potentially stepping into the ring with a genetically modified killing machine?
  • The love story. They only had one date, but a few death-defying encounters with ancient predators and they’re together, huh? Didn’t we see this kind of weaksauce, destined-to-fail kind of romance in Speed?
  • No one can pilot a helicopter on the island except the 8th richest man in the world, who is still isn’t completely checked out. I understand trying to take some responsibility for what is happening, but this seemed like a rather convenient – and stupid – way to get the character out the way so that Vic Hoskins can take over with the aforementioned InGen Nazis.
  • Training raptors for military use? Even with conditioning, would they ever be as a reliable as a drone or just technology in general? I can’t see that ever being a ‘yes.’
???

Riddle me this, Mario.

Unresolved Questions (At Least In My Mind):

  • Why don’t the gyrospheres have an ‘auto-return’ function on them?
  • What was with the unexplained communications failures? They seemed to happen at least twice at critical moments. Convenient.
  • Why was everyone just sitting out in the heat? If the all rides closed, wouldn’t you want to go back to your hotel room (I’m guessing there’s one on the island), or hang out in the shops where it’s air-conditioned?
  • After the previous ‘containment anomalies’ that have happened in Isla Nublar’s history, shouldn’t a full-scale evacuation of the park be something they have multiple contingency plans for, ready to go at a moment’s notice? Titanic, anyone?
  • Why should stealing samples from the lab be a thing anymore? Isla Nublar isn’t their main lab. And doesn’t InGen have multiple labs where the same results can be easily replicated? Oh wait, that was a set up for the next movie. Nevermind.
  • Why does the parents’ divorce play into the story at all? Couldn’t the parents just be sending the boys off to visit their aunt? This adds nothing to the story, and the emotional blow to the boys happens before they are even in danger, and then is never mentioned again.
The philosoraptor strikes again!

Fitting, yes?

Conclusions: I liked this film overall. While it is not one that I’ll see multiple times in the theatre, I do not regret going to see it. It delivered on the action and spectacular visuals, and really I wasn’t expecting much else out of it (like most summer blockbusters).

The film uses some painful tropes which harken back to the mistakes made in the previous movies.  Then again, maybe that’s the point. Jurassic World isn’t a reboot, per se, but I suppose it’s meant to be this generation’s Jurassic Park, and move the franchise forward.  In that light, Jurassic World fulfills its role beautifully.

And that’s the way this fanboy sees it.


An Open Letter to Joss Whedon From A Humble Fanboy:

Dear Mr. Whedon,

I’d like to start by saying that I saw your movie Avengers: Age of Ultron this past weekend. Twice. So what did I think of it?

I FREAKING LOVED IT!

You’ll note the above statement is underlined, bold, and italics. I want there to be no mistaking my meaning. The purpose of this letter is in no way to criticize your work, tear you down, or cast aspersions on your character. Quite the opposite, in fact. This is something of a love letter to you, so I’ll try not to make it too awkward.

I think there are other directors who could have helmed Age of Ultron, and done quite well with it, but it wouldn’t have been the same. Your directorial stamp  ̶  the skillful flip/flop between humor and tragedy, the banter and dialogue, all those little moments that made Ultron great  ̶  sold me on this movie. Now, I’m not blowing smoke here or trying to get all butter-y on you; the truth is that I love this movie because you made it.

And that is why I have such a hard time understanding the vitriol leveled at this film, particularly from those saying that it’s misogynistic in some way. I get that you can’t please everyone, particularly for a movie that will be seen all over the world, but this, really? I don’t know what film they were watching. I honestly don’t.  And to level this at you of all people! You gave us Buffy and Willow, Zoe and Kaylee, and Echo and Fred, just to scratch the surface. Black Widow is another in the long line of strong, beautiful, badass ladies you’ve brought to life on screen.

You have written/are writing/will continue to write some of the strongest female characters that exist. A great multitude of writers could really learn from your lesson, particularly in the realm of comic book movies. (David Goyer, I’m looking in your direction. She-Hulk, really?)

I don’t know what it was that compelled you to deactivate your Twitter account, but I’m sure that this backlash didn’t help. Regardless, I hope that you will come back at some point. Your fans love you. (Also because it will be significantly harder to Tweet this to you if you don’t.)

Look, I’m not a movie director, and certainly not one tapped to helm a tent-pole blockbuster like an Avengers sequel.  I have no clue what it’s like to work with Marvel Studios, or the pressure and worry that come with it. I’m sure it was no picnic. Furthermore, you had to set up so much that will take place in future Marvel Cinematic Universe movies. No rose garden there, either.

But when you resolve people’s expectations of what they wanted Ultron to be, along with all the things it had to be, I’d say that you were given a Herculean task in all this, exceeding that of even the first Avengers.  And in my estimation, you didn’t just choke the Nemean Lion, you popped his head off with a flex of your mighty bicep to score a sweet basket from center court. Nothing but net.

As I’ve been writing this, I’ve been listening to “A Promise” from the first Avengers soundtrack.  It’s my favorite track on that album, and that’s saying something. If I recall, this music plays during the part where Nick Fury and Agent Hill are talking on the bridge of the helicarrier. When Hill asks Fury what makes him so sure that the Avengers will come back if Earth finds itself once again in peril, Fury simply says, “Because we’ll need them to.”

That is my hope for you, Mr. Whedon  ̶  that you will return to the Marvel Cinematic Universe one day, despite it all. These superhero movies need you, whether they will admit it or not.

Now, I hope you don’t take all this as the little kid tugging at the pant leg of the hero in the third act, saying: “You can do it, mister! I believe in you!” No, I think the best-case scenario for me here is to be the convenient wind that carries Indiana Jones’ fedora back to him as the music starts to swell. At any rate, you have a true gift for this work and a love of these characters that is undeniable in the finished product. You are a Big Damn Hero to me and to so many other fanboys and fangirls out there.

Please remember that.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

– Matt Carson

P.S.  ̶  You may not remember me, but we met once. It was at the last Buffy Bash in LA, circa 2004. I was the long-haired gentleman in the suit who gave you a semi-translucent plastic card of Buffy from the Buffy trading card game. Good times.


Fanboy Movie Review #2  ̶  The Hobbit: The Battle of The Five Armies

[Note: I do not consider myself a movie critic. What follows is just one fanboy’s opinion based off of a single viewing of the film. Oh, and there are SPOILERS ahead, so take heed.]

This one has been stewing in my head since December. I took a stab at writing a review of TBOTFA back in January, but it was far too long. Here is the boiled-down version of that review in convenient Fanboy Movie Review format!

And a 1…and a 2…

Single tear

Well, five…give or take.

First Impressions:  While many didn’t like the first Hobbit movie, I did. Many thought the second Hobbit movie was far better, but I didn’t. (What was up with that gold statue anyway? And that barrel sequence?) This movie strikes me as being needlessly overcomplicated in almost every aspect. It embodies the ‘bloat’ effect of this trilogy.

What I Liked:

  • Thranduil. We get a sense of how powerful he is. This is what it looks like when the Elven King goes to war.
  • Thorin cured himself of the Dragon Greed, and made an epic comeback.
  • Speaking of the Dragon Greed, the cool way Thorin’s voice started to sound like a dragon.
  • War Rams! I’m not sure where they came from, exactly, or where they went afterwards, but sign me up!
  • The White Council laying the smackdown on the Nazghul. While Galadriel was inert for most of the scene, I must admit that her banishment of Sauron was pretty cool.
  • Smaug’s final speech. I still think that should have been the end of the second movie, but any scenes with Cumberbatch/Smaug, I’m destined to like (except the death scene, explained below.)
  • Speaking of Smaug, this is why you fear fire dragons. That first strafing pass over Laketown was terrifying. I am fire…I am death.
  • Thorin’s death scene. Armitage and Freeman nail every point of this scene. To me this scene is every bit as powerful as Boromir’s death in Fellowship of the Ring. Wow.
My brother, my captain, my king...

This scene is everything the rest of the movie wasn’t.

What I Didn’t Like:

  • The human ‘army’ is the smallest and least impressive of the five armies, yet only a handful can somehow hold off scores of rampaging orcs in plate mail.
  • The Elven army sort of disappears at times. It seemed like there are thousands of them lining the battlements of Dale, but during the battle it feels like they just vanish.
  • Both the Elven and Dwarven armies are so uniform in appearance that they look like a video game. There is nothing remotely believable about them.
  • We trade out main characters in this movie. Most of the original 13 dwarves are barely seen and have almost no screen time. Bard and Legolas have a much greater part than even Bilbo, after whom the movie is named.
  • Legolas jumping along falling blocks of stone. I started laughing.
  • Bard kills Smaug with an improvised, cobbled together bow, instead of the Wind Lance, which they had previously showed us. And how is his son not dead again?
  • Stephen Fry’s mayor character? Yep, as superfluous as I thought.
  • ALFRED! The entire character is useless, annoying, and gets away with no consequences to his actions.
  • Fili and Kili and their punk deaths. They deserved better than that.
  • That weird kite thing that Azog uses to direct his troops. Did no one see him setting that up?
  • If the orcs had pressed their attack, they would have won. Sending troops into Dale was completely unnecessary.
  • The arrival of the giant eagles was underwhelming, and the force of orcs they stop seems miniscule compared to that first establishing shot of Azog’s main army.
  • Azog busting out of the ice. Let me say that again: AZOG BUSTING OUT OF THE ICE.
  • Tauriel doesn’t get to take down Bolg. In fact, she doesn’t get to do much of anything in this film.
  • Thorin’s cousin, Dain. What a cartoon character, and not in a good way.
Nope!

So Bard can MacGyver up a weapon that can match the power and precision of this siege engine? Sounds legit.

Unresolved Questions (At Least In My Mind):

Too many to list in a simple blog post. Most of them have nothing to do with the plot of the movie, and more to do with the decisions that led them down this path. This is the same team that gave us the original LOTR trilogy, which I love. The unresolved question in my mind is simply: Oh, Peter Jackson, what happened?

:_(

Oh, Bilbo, you deserved so much better.

Conclusions:

I went back and watched the original LOTR trilogy. More than a decade on, and they are still excellent. I still don’t care for the parts like Legolas and the Oliphant, but the emotion is there, same as it ever was. Sure, Gollum doesn’t look as polished as he did in the first Hobbit movie, but Lurtz, captain of the Uruk-Hai, is still terrifying. Why? Because it is a man in make-up, not a CGI construct. The effects in the new Hobbit trilogy looked bad in the theatre, so just think of how dated they will seem as time passes.

As I said, TBOTFA embodies how bloated and overdone the Hobbit trilogy is. Most of it felt unnecessary and gratuitous, with none of the deep emotional resonance of LOTR. I tried to like this movie, I really did. While there are gems seeded throughout the film, you have to suffer through endless digital armies clashing over and over again to get to them.

Are we fortunate or unfortunate that TBOTFA will likely be the last movie set in Middle-Earth? I’m still trying to work my way through that one.

In the end, it feels as though this movie is a Master’s thesis in missed opportunities. We end the trilogy not with a bang, but a Star Wars-esque whimper.

And that’s how this fanboy sees it.


Brian’s Comic Contemplations – Of Regeneration and Sloppy Writing

Since no one who reads Matt’s blog knows me from Black Adam, I’ll give you a quick profile: I’m in the advertising business, and I’ve been reading comics (Marvel) for around 49 years. ‘Nuff said. (I don’t want to bore anyone with the gory details of my Paris to Dakar failure in ’98, or my savage war with the peanut butter industry – I’ll simply leave that to your imagination.)

Anyway, Matt – being quite an intelligent fellow – often regales me with his detailed knowledge of Greek history, movies, and comics. (Notably the DC side of comics, of which I am intrigued by, but largely ignorant.) So when he encouraged me to throw in my two cents on his blog, I was anxious to oblige.

I figured, in an effort to foment some fun thought and discussion, I’d start by hitting a few comic-world opinions you may, or may not agree with.

Here goes:

Wade Wilson

The Merc With A Mouth.

Deadpool – Is it just me, or has the writing for Deadpool become lazy and cyclical? I LOVE Deadpool. The character, the irreverence, the cheeky format that allows them to go to places most comic characters can’t go. But lately, every time I pick up a DP title, the story seems to include some sort of dismemberment for Wade.

Wade sets into “whatever” plot. He encounters a baddie. And the baddie (no matter what his skill level) eviscerates, or disembowels, or amputates, or shoots & stabs him. Naturally, because of his miracle healing power, he generally (arguably?) prevails.

But isn’t Deadpool supposed to be some kind of expert fighter/swordsman/assassin/marksman? Why the inept bumbling with EVERY villain? Every time? I present the following from Marvel’s own Deadpool profile:

Deadpool is an extraordinary hand-to-hand combatant and is skilled in multiple unarmed combat techniques. He is a master of assassination techniques, is an excellent marksman, and is highly skilled with bladed weapons (frequently carrying two swords strapped to his back). He is fluent in Japanese, German, Spanish, amongst other languages.

(For laughs, let’s juxtapose Deady’s stats with say… Hawkeye, who, despite having no real super powers, has (mostly) managed to dodge fatal attacks and dismemberment.)

Deadpool

DEADPOOL

Hawkeye

HAWKEYE

Deadpool’s natural physical attributes have been enhanced. Deadpool’s musculature generates considerably less fatigue toxins than the muscles of an ordinary human being, granting him superhuman levels of stamina in all physical activities. His natural strength, agility and reflexes have been enhanced to levels that are beyond the natural limits of the human body. Deadpool’s agility and reaction time are superior to those of even the finest human athlete.

So how come Mr. Pool keeps getting shot in the face? Is it just for our amusement and titillation? Are the writers so lazy they can’t think of situations where Wade might actually show enough skill to NOT get his arm chopped off? Or is it simply because Wade is so crazy he doesn’t even try to avoid injury?

I’m not saying I never want to see Wade get abused, but once in a while I’d love to see him take care of business without being mutilated. (Sigh) Am I just gettin’ too old for comics? GOD forbid… but maybe.

BONUS CONTEMPLATION:

Marvel-Comics-Classic-Wolverine-Costume-Yellow-Blue

WolverineSee Deadpool rant. I have the same issue with Mr. Howlett. (Loss-of-healing-factor issues notwithstanding.) I know he comes at enemies like a weed whacking tank – with little thought but, OCCASIONALLY, I’d like to see Logan’s vaunted “Samurai training” and 100-year fighting experience pan out BEFORE he takes a sword/bullet/laser to the gut. JMO, of course, but is it too much to ask?

Again, if Spidey, Cap, Clint Barton, Daredevil, Batman AND Robin can dodge fatal knife, bullet, and death-ray wounds successfully for 50(+) years, why can’t Wolverine and Deadpool once in a blue moon? Throw a little love to character profile continuity.